Every morning Ms. Dillman kisses her husband goodbye then stands on the
steps to wave goodbye as he drives off to work. And every afternoon the
couple has a chat to just check in with one another. For both it is their
second marriage. And this one has lasted 29 years. Is it luck that they
found one another or simply the respect and love that they have for one another?
A Wall Street Journal Article took a close look at the topic and exclaimed "Secrets of a Second Marriage: Beat the 8-Year Itch." A friend of mine was looking over my shoulder when I was reading
the article and cynically commented, "Wonderful. Now, if they could
only figure out how to beat the 3-year itch, the 12-year itch..."
You get the idea. My friend is now leaving his third marriage.
There is no more a definitive answer if second marriages are doomed to
fail any more than there is for any marriage, for that matter. One point
that the article makes is that many first and second marriages seem to
fail after 8 years. So, okay - that's statistics for you.
It is tempting to believe that you get a better shot at marital bliss the
second time around. The WSJ article mentions Dr. Constance Ahron, a San
Diego psychologist and therapist who specializes in divorce and remarriage.
From her perspective, the second time around gives you time to explore
your mistakes. "Don't remarry just to be married again," she says.
My grandaunt was married once; 57 years to a man whom she says she loved
as much as she loathed at times. Her advice at her 100th birthday party
last year, "Don't quibble, give a little, and be civil."